To be honest, there's nothing you can do to ensure that you won't screw up. We all do stuff in our lives that requires us to stay on the straight and narrow, for lack of a better term, and we're all at risk of "screwing up". I think the things you have to do - going for the kinship adoption, moving, getting off the cocaine, quitting cutting and getting a job - will require a lot of determination and self discipline, but they're all things that you CAN do. You do have a lot as risk - your fiancé and your sibling - but you also have your own happiness at risk here. Remember that too. Everything you're doing, do it for you too.

I think your determination to do all of these things will see you through. I honestly do. You sound so set on doing all of these things to improve your life, and to improve the lives of those around you, so I think the determination you have to do that and to not mess it up will prove to be very beneficial for you.

One thing that does concern me is you addiction to cocaine. Combined with going for kinship adoption, this is something that you have to quit. For the sake of your sibling. Taking your sibling away from his/her situation now and bring him/her into your life is a huge responsibility to take on, and you absolutely must be prepared to give him/her the best life that you possibly can. To do this; you have to quit the cocaine. I know it won't be easy for you but you can't bring a wee one into a situation where they're surrounded by that. I know it's going to be incredibly difficult for you, but it's something that I think needs dealt with right away. Is rehab an option? Do you have any other ideas as to how you can get off it? Have a good think about it, and bear in mind that once you're off that, it'll make way for and allow you to go for kinship adoption.

Other than that, as I said, there's no set way to guarantee you won't slip up every now and then. We're all at risk of it. We do what we do, and sometimes, please remember, we DO mess up. Don't expect perfection from yourself. You're making a lot of changes and it's OK if you slip up every now and then. We can't always do it right and we're not all perfect enough to do everything without a slip up here and there. Remember that, yeah?

So I think you just have to press on forward and do what you have to do. See about getting off the cocaine, however you do it. I think that should be your main concern, because without that, I don't think it'd be right for you to go for kinship adoption or anything like that. Talk to your fiancé - you two are engaged now, so I'm assuming that communication in the relationship is right up there and is something you can do with him. Have a chat with him; explain what you want to do, explain about the moving. Talking to him about all your plans is also something pretty important, so maybe put that on your list of priorities too :P

Remember that this isn't going to be easy. As I said, you have a lot of determination, which I think will see you through well, but it's going to a lot of time, too. And effort. And if you should have a wee slip up and mess something up, don't let it break you down. Keep holding it together - pick yourself up and start again. It's what we all do, yeah? You CAN do all of this. There's just gonna be a lot of work involved.

Take care of yourself, and the best of luck to you. You know where I am should you ever need to have a chat, yeah? :)


Posted at 5:16 am on May 16, 2008

In fact, I can relate to this as I've gone through drug addictions and various life complications caused therein. I hear ya. The lifestyle is tough. Quitting is tougher, but there's the promise of better times ahead should you succeed. You've put your foot down and are trying to put an end to the lifestyle and it's tough. I have great respect for you about this. Well done for giving it a go. Only good things will come from this.

As well as going through quitting the blow, you've got other issues that seem to be weighing you down. You mentioned exams, your family situation and partner related issues. I suppose it's important to focus on the biggest issues. They're all important and you probably want to solve them like yesterday, but try not to worry about them. Instead direct your concerns into progress. For example maybe have a skim through your textbooks, communicate with your family and your partner as ideas for such direction. That will give you heaps to be getting on with. It's not like you have to twiddle your thumbs all day or anything. If you get really into this whole "life" thing (this is where that stupid phrase comes from) and get excited about where you're going and what you're doing, it's easier to put aside this struggle that you're going through. If viewed in this sense, it's easier to see it as the removal of the scatter as opposed to coming down or whatever.

Is there any way to stop yourself screwing up? I don't know. I guess there's no sort of certainty so stuff like this. You're on the front line, as it were. I suppose it's easy to turn back to with all the shit that's going on, but it helps to view the shit as just stuff that needs you as all you can be. In other words, to make it better, an easy way is to escape (perhaps this is an important cause for you) but the more in control you are the easier it will be to start coping with it in a way that you can be proud of, and that which others can look up to.

General good-health tips would be to sweat it. In other words, get some exercise, and keep moving. Keep your mind occupied with stuff that generally interests you. Maybe go for a walk in the mornings, play a sport, or do a project (building something perhaps). I can support this from person experience too. I'd also suggest being social, even if you're shitty. Communication with the outside world helps to "keep it real". I wouldn't suggest hanging out with people that will make it harder either ie people who do it around you or talk about it a lot.

It's a tough break. I know you didn't ask for this. You're a victim of circumstance. I understand why this would be an attractive option. I'm just glad that you see that it's not the viable option now and that it seems attractive to stop. It's good you're taking responsibility. Even now you accept your faults and are looking forward. Don't kid yourself, mate. This is a hard road. You know that. The part that makes it less tough is not that it actually gets easier (but it will eventually) but rather that you enjoy challenging yourself. You will learn that you can take the heat, and you know mate, you might even like it.

In the long run, you may have a couple of slip ups. I'm not trying to say it's ok. That's all up to you anyway. The point is that if it does happen, it will extend your struggle, but it's by no means the end of the world. Keep trying mate. You're a trooper, and you can do this!

Feel free to hit me up for a chat if you want, champ.

Posted at 5:01 am on May 16, 2008