Many people say the same thing you do - "If I know myself, I won't do it."  But, hearing the fact that you've thought about it, worries me.  Suicide is an extremely severe issue and usually it starts out "If I know myself, I won't do it."  I understand that your life isn't how you want it to be at this moment, but that doesn't mean that you should give up now!  You have so much of your life ahead of you.  Why do you feel that suicide may be the only way to resolve your issues?  Trust me, suicide is not the way to solve anything - it only makes matters a lot worse.  

Have you told anyone else about these thoughts?  I know you may not see them as a big deal, but even thoughts of suicide are taken rather seriously.  I understand what you mean when you say: "I just can't get this buzz up inside of me like I used to be able to do."  Do you know the reason for that lack of buzz?  Maybe joining the army will change that.  Maybe it will give you the "buzz" that you need to make you happy again.  If it doesn't, try and think about the situation to yourself.  Wonder what it was that gave you the "buzz" before and work from there.  This is a completely normal feeling - it's just apart of growing up, maturing, and changing.  Don't let it bring you down!  Just live your life and take one day at a time - I'm sure it will get better.

I would suggest you possibly read this, it may help a lot, even if you're not truly suicidal:

Suicide Help

When you say "bad shit" happened last weekend, what exactly do you mean by that?  I am not sure how to advise you on this because I am not quite sure what you mean by it.  However, even if something went wrong last weekend, you can't let it get you down.  Life is not going to be perfect for anyone, and we as humans, must learn to adapt to these kinds of fallings in our lives.  It's extremely hard for most people - to accept things that go wrong and learn from them instead of being negatively affected by them.  As a young person, I know social lives mean a heck of a lot - which is probably why you're so upset about what happened last weekend.  But, if they are truly your friends, they wouldn't judge you or do anything just because of one weekend.  

Things are going to go wrong in everyone's lives, some worse than others.  But, what makes us all different is how we deal with these problems and issues that come up in our lives.  I also do not fully understand what you mean when you say "she took it".  If you are trying to say that a she took a lot out of you, then I totally understand!  Girls can be like that.  Teenage relationships are one of the most confusing things in history.  Have you tried talking to her about the situation?  Maybe you have taken a lot out of her too.  Once again, I am not completely sure on how to advise you in this particular area because I do not fully understand what you mean by this.  If you want more advice on this issue, feel free to message me with a clarification.  I understand you want the eHelp to remain anonymous and whatever is said in PMs are strictly confidential and will say between the two of us.

Congratulations with getting involved in the military, by the way!  It takes a lot of courage and strength to do that.  Don't worry about the fact that you don't know anybody yet!  I'm sure all of the guys who are going feel the same way.  See this as an opportunity to make new friends.  Go in there and develop the confidence that you need to introduce yourself to everyone.  Trust me, if you just be yourself, I'm sure you'll make many friends.  Find guys there who are interested in things that you like and work from there.  I know it may be frightening and first, but remember, they're all in the same position you are.  I can guarantee you that most of them have the same fear that you do.  Which is why I strongly adivse you to just be yourself, be friendly, and introduce yourself to as many people as you can!

If you need some help with making friends or overcoming any shyness that you may have, feel free to visit:

Making Friends & Keeping Friends

Overcoming Shyness

Remember, there is always a way to make a fresh start with a group of new people.  Don't go in there with that attitude because they you won't be able to.  But, if you go in there, with the right attitude telling yourself:  "I can be who I want to be and make a fresh start", then trust me - you can do it!  It may be extremely difficult at first but try not to get too nervous, because like I said before, I'm sure most of the guys are feeling the same way you do.  Just be yourself and I'm sure the rest will fall into place.

Turning a gun on yourself will not solve anything - it will only make matters worse.  Just think of all the people you will hurt by doing so:  Your family, friends, peers - everyone.  Everyone that you love and that reciprocates that love will be completely heartbroken if they found out anything like that happened to you.  

I know you say that it is not likely that you will indeed go as far as actually killing yourself, but just the thought worries me a little bit.  No one said life was going to be easy and we all need to learn to deal with that.  You're not going to get whatever and whoever you want all the time - or else life would be boring.  Think about the good things you have in your life at this time - instead of always focusing on the things you don't have.  Everyone has many good things in their life - but many people don't appreciate it and it becomes a real problem.  What I can tell you for now is to just take it one day at a time.  Remember:  Things will always get better!  Don't stay caught up on the negative things in your life - focus on all the positive things in your life!  Remember:  Every minute you spend unhappy is 60 seconds of happiness you will never get back.  I am not asking you to be happy all the time, but I am telling you to be an optimistic person - look at the glass as half full.  Try your hardest to see the positive side in the situation you're in.  If you do this,  I'm sure you will be a happier person.

I hope I've helped!

If you ever need anything else, feel free to message me anytime!  My inbox is always open.

Good luck,

~ Sabrina

Posted at 9:02 am on June 25, 2008

Now, I'll be honest with you, I think you are depressed. You don't have to believe me if you don't want, but you say this has been going on for the past year? And you're thinking of taking a gun on yourself? Darling, that sounds like depression to me. If not that, what in the world is it? People who aren't depressed don't feel as low as you do right now, and they don't contemplate killing themselves, love. Maybe you really need a little help getting those feelings out into the open, so that you're absolutely positive that you'd never harm yourself in any way. Saying "it's not likely that I will" isn't good enough, you see? Because it's still a maybe and the idea of doing it is still in your mind. It shouldn't be. Now, you haven't mentioned what happened last weekend in this eHelp and, in order to not make myself look like a twat if I'm thinking you're someone else, I won't comment much on it. You know where I am though.

Do you know yourself? Well, no, probably not. Who does, though? We all experience something new every day, we all learn something different every day, we're always changing. Not a lot of people know who they really are, simply because we're always changing. Do what feels natural and right to you and someday you might feel content with who you appear to be, and you might feel content with your actions. It's extremely important for you to do what feels natural and right. We all battle with ourselves daily, I reckon it's just part of human nature. In that sense, try not to let it get to you too much. Being unsure of who you are isn't a bad thing or even something to worry about.

We have to really fight for the things we want in life. If you want a certain someone, and that person has made it clear that they don't want you, then all you can do is let that person go. That's all you can do. Well, actually, no. You can cling on to that person and the hope that it might work out, you can ask yourself questions over and over about WHY it didn't work, but I absolutely promise you, it's not going to help. It's that simple, really. You have to accept it, and move past it. We all have to do that in life. It's hard - of course it's hard - but it's not the be all and end all. You're still extremely young and  I don't care how cliche it is - you DO have forever in front of you. Forever to meet new girls.

Get out and about. Socialise with friends, meet new people if need be. Just don't sit at home and dwell on it. As for getting what you want out of life (what, not who), well, that you have to fight for. Work hard for. Drag yourself up and out of the dirt for. It's what we're all doing. It's a battle, sure it is, but what's the point in giving up when you've come this far?

Shooting yourself because you've not hit it off with a new group of people is irrational, and shows your way of thinking right now. It shows that, love, you maybe do need a bit of help. So you're not plagued by these thoughts, and so you can get help with your current issues. You said it's been going on for a year. Don't let it go on any longer, hmm? A year is long enough - too long, in fact. Make the change now. Your life is worth living so even if you can't see that right now, stick around for a bit. You never know what's coming next.

You know where I am if you need me.
x

Posted at 8:30 am on June 25, 2008