You mentioned that you cut yourself, and I think that in order to quit the cutting, you need to deal with the reasons behind the cutting, y'know? It sorta makes sense, don't you think? So, issue one that you mentioned, is your weight. A lot of people think they're fat, and it can really get you down, can't it? Quick question though - are you actually overweight, or do you reckon you're being a bit hard on yourself? If you are overweight, and you want to make some changes, then I don't think that's a bad idea at all. It'll make you a healthier person all round, which is important. However, I advise that you maybe pop along to your doctor and have a chat with them about this. What do you think? You see, if you ARE overweight, your doctor can help you work out a new diet and exercise plan. Think of it as a new lifestyle, a lifestyle that's gonna make you a healthier person. Thing is, you only need to do this if you want to change and if you need to change your weight. As I said, a visit to the doctor should clear this up for you.

Even if you aren't overweight, it definitely sounds like you're having some self-esteem problems, especially as you're calling yourself fat. 100, 200 or 300lbs, you need to learn to love you for who you are, imperfections and all. A huge amount of people struggle with self esteem problems, but it'd probably do you the world of good to build up and work on your self esteem. This quote here makes it quite clear what self esteem is and why it's a good thing to have!

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Self-esteem means 'appreciating your own worth and importance' - and it helps you to cope better with the challenges of life.

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- Tracy Turner

Positive thinking is definitely a must. Give yourself compliments, think about all the great and wonderful things going on in your life, think about what your plans are for the future, think about what you like about yourself. Think about these things often, hmm? Remember that you deserve happiness and good things and that you are a good person.

This website is really, really good with tips on how to build up your self esteem, so perhaps have a good read through it, hmm?

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/selfesteem.htm

Your shyness is also something that you can work on. Shyness really is horrible, isn't it? It's ok to be a naturally quiet person, but if you feel like you want to get out there and do things without your shyness getting in the way, then definitely have a think about actively doing something about it. What I find really effective is faking it! If you're not a naturally confident person, then pretend you are! That sounds a bit weird, really, but it's not as hard as it sounds. Smiling is a big factor. Someone who smiles a lot will seem like a naturally happy and confident person, and it'll attract people - it'll make you look approachable. You mentioned that you don't do anything, so you can actually combine building up your confidence with doing things. Maybe have a think about joining some clubs and taking part in some social activities. This way, you'll be forced to meet new people and interact and you'll be busy doing things so you're not left alone to fret about it all, hmm? This website has some good tips on how to build up your confidence:

http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

I think it's really so very important that you keep yourself busy. Get out and about, do things. The more you sit at home then the worse all your problems will seem.

And the cutting. The cutting really is a big problem. You must be really hurting to do that to yourself, hmm? How you would you feel about talking about how you're feeling? Do you have anyone around you who you'd think would listen to you? A parent, school counselor, teacher, friends? Anyone at all? See, I think it's really important that you get all this stuff out and talk about it. Hiding it isn't going to do you any good in the long run, so I honestly think it'd do you the world of good to find someone to talk to about all of this. You don't have to tell them about the cutting if you don't want to, but you could at least give talking about how bad you're feeling now a go, hmm? Think about it.

My inbox is always open to you if you ever need a chat. Take care of yourself.

Posted at 11:59 am on June 25, 2008

The fact that you have cut yourself shows that something is wrong, however you can get help for that whether it's through calling up a helpline when you feel the need to cut, talking to someone like a professional or just being surrounded by friends and making yourself a different person. When cutting, it doesn't help problems it just adds to them and the thing is that isn't what you need right now. At the moment you need to fins a way to deal with the problems which you currently have. There are things that you can do instead of cutting to let your emotions out. One thing might be writing it all down, the feelings and emotions which cause you to cut. You might find this can be a release and help you. I've also included a link at the bottom of this reply which you might find useful, even if it's working through each one until you find one that suits you at least i will take you away from cutting.

However if it gets serious you really need to seek professionals help as they can go through problems and find the source as to why you cut and can also give you ways which will be better for you to stay away from self harm. The first step though is admitting you have a problem, which you have done now it's time to take the second step by getting the help you need.

If you think you are fat, why not do something about it, find a form of exercise which you enjoy doing and go for it. The best thing for depression is exercise as it releases the happy chemicals in the body. Also you need to build your confidence as you have also identified that you are a shy person, well making yourself feel better about the way you look will help with that. I have included a link which you might find useful for building up your self confidence.

Something else about the whole "fat" thing, a balanced diet will help with that. Look into how to eat well. We all know fruit and vegetables help however you have to have the right amount of fat, protein and carbohydrates within your diet. A balanced diet which goes in hand with a good exercise regime then you will be able to lose some weight. HOWEVER it takes time for things to happen so don't expect changes over night.

You don't do much you say, well get out there. There is a world waiting for you to see. Find a group you can join where you can meet people with similar interests and have some fun in your life. Take up a hobbie, like a sport (which will help with the "fat" issue mentioned). Laying in your room can be good every once in a while but sometimes you have to break free of those four walls. I know it may seem like it will be difficult to do however it's not completely impossible.

I have included a few links which i feel might be benifical to the problems which you have shown. I would like to say i hope that you can look at them and really take in what they have to say. Who knows it might help you to feel better about yourself. I'm here to message if you ever want someone to talk to about things.

*Emma*

Things to do other than self harm
10 steps to self confidence
How To Love Yourself As A Teen Girl
Hotline number for the USA - 1-800-784-2433

Posted at 11:56 am on June 25, 2008