You shouldn't worry about the fact that you've picked it from him, because that really doesn't matter. At the end of the day you're trying to solve the problem and not think about the past. You did see your dad be aggressive and this might have affected your behaviour. No one should witness things like that, and seeing that happen is definitely not easy to deal with, especially if you have no-one to talk to or confide in. It does get in over your head, and like you said, you can't control it. This is something that you need help with and at least to talk to someone. Be it a family member, a teacher, a school guidance counsellor or a professional counsellor. They can help you talk to you and get to the root of your problem. From there they can work about ways to manage your anger. It's better to let your steam out slowly and not all at once. Sometimes people have found sporting to be helpful. I took karate lessons for a year or so and it really helped boost my confidence. Once a week I went out to train and could let off some anger and as well as build up stamina. It was fun, but hard. And I think it really helped me.

You have to think about it. If they're your friends and you respect them, that's fine. But if it gets to the point when they're violent or influencing you in a bad way, are those the sort of people you want as friends? Do you really want to be around them and absorb their ideals. If they're going to have a negative effect on you, then it's probably not a good idea to be around them and be friends with them because they might make your condition and your anger worse. You need friends that you can depend on in situations, those that are there for you. If they're not you may feel let down and it could make life worse generally.

You have to try to remain calm, if you get so angry and annoyed about this it can spin out of control and get worse. You've admitted you have anger problems, and that's great. From here you need someone to talk to so that you can learn to control your aggression and calm it down. It would help your family a great deal as well if they saw you going to someone. They'd be relieved to an extent, but happy that you've found someone to help you. Don't worry about letting them down, because they are your family, and they will always love you no matter what. They want what's best for you and at the end of the day want you to be happy and enjoy yourself.

I hope this has helped, and I hope you get things sorted out. My inbox is always open if you ever need someone to talk to.

- Balazs

Posted at 10:57 am on July 10, 2008

If the people you call your friends are being violent, then that's not a good thing, right? Why would you want to hang around with with people who are encouraging abusive and aggressive behaviour? I think you need to speak to a professional and get some anger management treatment. Being so angry isn't healthy.

However, if you don't want to see a professional, you could always try and take up a sport which will let you vent your anger. Have you considered kickboxing, or even something like running? Exercises produces endorphins in your brain, and in turn, these go to make you happy. If you try and focus all your anger into a sport, it will hopefully mean you don't take it out on those around you.

However, you need to do this alone. Staying in a relationshio whilst you're dealing with your problems isn't healthy. Stay apart from your boyfriend, and take a couple of months to really focus on getting your anger problems sorted, whichever way you want to go about things.

Good luck (:

Posted at 7:19 am on July 10, 2008