It really sounds like you're scared of hoping. Maybe you think that we won't be able to help you so you're mad at yourself for even trying to get help. And really, it sounds like you've had some bad stuff happen to you. And in your eyes, you've struggled with these things for so long, nothing is ever going to improve for you. And hoping only leads to disappointment, so why are you even trying here anymore?

You do not have to be scared to hope. And you will not always be disappointed. Nobody can explain why, unfortunately. But life is sometimes harder for some people than others. When you're struggling, it all seems too unfair for words. But you know what? This struggle is a blessing in disguise. Because of this, you'll be the most grateful person you know. You appreciate every moment of happiness because you know what it's like to barely even have hope. So there's the sunny side of this situation. Now to help you improve, hopefully.

What has happened to make you feel so badly? What is going on to make you feel so devoid of hope? I highly suggest making a list of what's happening. What's making you feel so low? This accomplishes a number of things. You vent your feelings, for one. And then you also get to feel productive because you're doing something to help yourself. And you also have to recognize what you can change to be a happier person. Which brings me to what you can choose to do next. Look at that list and find ways to change those things. How can you improve? How can you change these things in your life? Really, you're sitting at the bottom of a hole with a bunch of tools. You can choose to sit there or you can choose to use those tools to help yourself climb up.

You don't have to do it alone though. But to get help you have to tell people that you need it. Do you have close friends or family? Let them know how you're feeling and let them help you improve and become a happier person. Then you'll always have people to talk to when you're feeling weak and you need someone to help you get through that moment. I also suggest starting a journal. Then you can release anything you're feeling without fear of having anyone know. You can burn the pages later if you want. But just getting that release is so very important. You may also benefit from seeing a therapist. That doesn't mean you're weak or anything. It just means that you've recognized that you need help and you care enough to reach out and get that help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your doctor should be able to refer you to one.

I really urge you to keep on fighting. Life is our one chance to have these experiences. We don't know for sure that we'll get another chance to experience anything. And we don't know that what comes next is better than what we have now. So please, try to improve the life you have now instead of thinking that anything has to be better. This is your chance to see and taste and hear and feel and smell. Please, use this opportunity to try to do things to enjoy life. Get out and live and have as much fun as you can while you can.

The best of luck. I sincerely hope that something in here was able to help you. If you ever need more help, you're welcome to private message me.

<3 Audrey

Posted at 9:48 am on Aug. 12, 2008