Tilly, I know I've spoken with you before about this, and it always saddens me to see you around here. I really do hope that one day you can get past the self injury forever. For now, I think we need to talk about these feelings you're having about recovering from self harm.
You do deserve to get better. Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy, especially you, after everything you've gone through lately. It can be really hard to let go of the thoughts and feelings that are telling you that you aren't worth it or don't deserve happiness, but don't give up. This is just a step on the road to recovery. I think one of the main reasons a lot of people have feelings like this when they are trying to stop cutting is because they are so used to having it to fall back on. It's a safety net. Knowing that you can always deal with things but hurting yourself makes things seem less scary.
However, the reality here is that you can't go on self injuring forever. In the long run, it is making you really unhappy because you know that it isn't really the answer to your problems. It is destructive, not helpful. You need to get through this.
For the time being, be proud of those two days that you got through without self injury. Cutting is an extremely addictive behavior, and just getting through a couple days after a long history of it is something to take pride in. Keep up the streak. Trust me, the pride of getting through a few more days will soon began to replace these feelings of not deserving recovery.
Just keep taking things one day at a time. Fight those urges. Distract yourself with other things (writing, reading, art, music, working out, TV, etc). You can do this, I have faith in you.
Again, as always, if you need to talk I'm always here and happy to help. Just send me a PM.
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