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From: (Not Displayed) Received: 5:40 am on Aug. 14, 2008 Return to Inbox
Subject: Teen Love 2
I like this guy again (he was my first boyfriend) but I can't like him again because my best friend likes him. And we say the first one to like him gets him. She's only ever liked one guy so should I let her have him?

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Fighting with a friend over a guy really is no fun. Letting her have him may leave you resentful and heartbroken, and her letting you have him could leave her angry at you.

Losing a friend over a relationship is rarely ever worth it. In this case, if you wish to keep your friendship with this girl, it may be best to let the guy walk for both of you. However, that is much easier said than done.

In any case, either of you attempting to date this guy will no doubt harm your friendship, as I have seen it do (and have had it done to me!) many many times. Personally, I've always had an ex be off-limits for any of my friends, generally even if I don't care for the guy romantically.

Just because you dated a guy in the past doesn't mean that you still have ownership over him. If he decides not to date you that doesn't necessarily mean that your friend should be banished to not going after the love of her life or something of the sort. Would sitting down with your friend and both of you maturely discussing your feelings be of help? This scenario can't easily be answered by asking if you should "let her have him", and I'm sure that you realize that. Love can be quite hard sometimes, as can friendship, and when they mingle together, wow! Watch out!

Posted at 2:49 pm on Aug. 14, 2008

First, I noticed this name, and I checked my ehelps and saw that this was the same girl I helped with the Jess/Zach problems.  I'm not sure if this guy that you're referring to is the same as Jess or Zach.  I think you're really being considerate to your friend. If you wanted to easily give him up though, then I don't think you would ask for help as to what to do. You said she has only liked one guy, but I think this is a weird game to play.  The first one to like him game can end up in a lot of broken hearts.  You really just can't manipulate your feelings in a way to where you can turn them on and off.  It'll be very hard and it would hurt.  You can try your best to not like him and it might work.  But if you find your feelings are strong, then I would pursue this guy.  Its very nice to be thoughtful, but also consider things happen the way they do for a reason.  Her perfect guy will come.  It might be this guy, it might not.  On one hand though, I would say that maybe its ok to let her have him and see if it works out.  If it doesn't, you'll be in the running and not much time was lost.  If it does work out, you will feel soooooooo good because you put your self aside for a friend and made her happy.  Another one's happiness in this kind of situation is so pleasing.  The guy will ultimately decide who he goes for.  He might like another girl from you two. I think you also have to realize hes your ex for a reason.  If it didn't work out then, then what makes you think it'll work out now?

Best wishes,

~jamesish~

Posted at 6:08 am on Aug. 14, 2008

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