A Peer Listener tries not to:
1. Give advice.
2. Bandaid a problem with sympathy.
3. Talk about his/herself
4. Encourage dependency.
5. Expect all problems to be solvable.

Why not "Advice"?
The thing about advice is it implies "should" instead of "could". If you imply "should" people tend to become dependent on someone else. Instead, you should explore options with your peer without telling tem what to do.

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La durée de nos passions ne dépend pas plus de nous que la durée de notre vie.
- La Rochefoucauld

Anyway, one little question I had about the "Peer Listener tries not to:" The first action on the list is give advice. Well, this seems to contradict a lot of what I myself do, and a lot of what pretty much every other Support Leader does on this site. People make eHelps because they want advice; are we not supposed to give it? Listening is all well and good, but I think the main thing that people are looking for on this site is some sort of advice. Does anyone else have an opinion on this?

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When I play doctor, I play to win.

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Does anyone else have an opinion on this?

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I can only assume that it was a typo.

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Hallmark: Your home for overpriced cardboard rectangles.

But it is a bit strange...

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Satan Oscillate Metallic Sonatas

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Yay for this new forum! I think it's a good addition.

Anyway, one little question I had about the "Peer Listener tries not to:" The first action on the list is give advice. Well, this seems to contradict a lot of what I myself do, and a lot of what pretty much every other Support Leader does on this site. People make eHelps because they want advice; are we not supposed to give it? Listening is all well and good, but I think the main thing that people are looking for on this site is some sort of advice. Does anyone else have an opinion on this?

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Notice in the what to do list it states that support leaders should help explore options.  That is different than giving advice.  Advice is like a step by step thing, exploiring options is saying, you could do this, this, or this, depending on what could work best for you.

It's a very grey area to work in, but basically you don't want to sound as though you know everything, it makes people feel belittled and less likely to act to better their situations.  An extreme example of this would be when suicide topics were allowed, and people tried to give advice on how to not kill themselves instead of suggestion that they go see a professional. Everything runs kind of hand in hand, but I think that basically what David wants is support and cooperative thinking instead of plain and simple answers towards members, (but David, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, because it would be beneficial for me to know that too.)

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"If you stand in front of a mirror holiding a dozen roses, you'll see
thirteen of the most beautiful things."
"Don't have regrets because at one point, you were doing exactly what you
wanted to."

The thing about advice is it implies "should" instead of "could". If you imply "should" people tend to become dependent on someone else.

The group is on here? Sweet!

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If you want to arrange it
This world you can change it
By helping a neighbor
Or even a stranger

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Bri's right. I'm working with women's advocates/future advocates right now, and all the same rules apply.

The thing about advice is it implies "should" instead of "could". If you imply "should" people tend to become dependent on someone else.

The group is on here? Sweet!

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There is a difference between giving advice and helping people with their problems. Support leaders think they are supposed to give advice, like a friend might do, but really we should be more discriminating. We should be seeking to help people explore their problems and their options, not tell them what to do.

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Maybe, but advice is generally used in a positive sense, not a negative one.  I assumed it was a mistake, because the main page says:

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"Teens and college students share their problems and issues and receive advice and find resources on our teen forums."

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Advice is also one of the meta keywords for the site.

(edit)With the added comment it makes more sense.  Simply having "Give advice" under what not to do struck me as slightly cryptic and even somewhat contradictory.

(Edited by telomere13 at 4:57 pm on May 22, 2006)

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Hallmark: Your home for overpriced cardboard rectangles.

One could assume that the role of an SL in eHelp is usually more serious than some posts, say, in Health about something that is fact (blemish, rash, cut, health problem, etc.).

Factual problems, dillemmas that can be solved with something you actually know works are covered on the forum.

But eHelp is usually more emotions, family, etc. Not quite as straightfoward.

Edit:I guess what I'm saying is that advice is more for what we know works. But we get eHelps, probably not the entire story, and we don't know what will solve it. We just explore what "could" work.

?

(Edited by Music of the Night at 6:07 pm on May 22, 2006)

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If you want to arrange it
This world you can change it
By helping a neighbor
Or even a stranger

When it comes to giving advice, that's mainly what I do...I feel it adds a personal touch to what the person may be going through.  That said, I only give advice on something I have been through myself.  

So I take it I should stop this?  I've never told someone what they should do, just given them some options that worked for me.

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Even if I'm the only one laughing its still worth doing.  
Because, in a world of moral ambiguity, laughter, though
fleeting, is the only certainty.

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