I thought this summer would turn everything around...and I would do better and be happy.  It's only a week into summer and I feel like I have destroyed myself.  I was offered a great job...that I was convinced I wouldn't get.  And to get the job...I have to pass a drug test.  However in the last two weeks of school...I was so un-happy with myself that I gave into peer pressure and submitted to smoking marijuana.  I've destroyed my chances at the job, and even though I explained the situation to my mother...I told her I only smoked once, when I did twice.  I admitted to her just tonight that I lied to her...and that I did twice.  

Now she is not speaking to me...and I have never felt more ashamed to be existing right now.  I'm so confused...and miserable with myself.    I have been eating very little all week, and not sleeping.  I've struggled with depression before...and I'm afraid to go back to that.  But I think it's too late.  I feel lower than ever right now, and see no way of fixing things.  

Your mum has every right to be angry at you for lying, but I'm sure she'll come round after a while. Have you spoken to her about what a horrible time you're having at college? If she knew about that she might be more understanding.

Good luck :)

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faut souffrir pour etre belle
♥ [27/12/08]
be the change you wish to see in the world