PICK ME PICK ME!! Thank you.
Open a Microsoft Document, type about how disappointed you are in the computer (remember to address it, Dearest Computer. And start with, I am terribly disappointed in you).
It works. The computer will feel so ashamed of itself it will be loyal to you forever.
Out of the three times I tried it, once worked.
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Charisma, creativity, a cornucopia. OH WHEN THE SAINTS, OH WHEN THE SAINTS...