amiee
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Oh, I really really do understand why it hurts so much. As I mentioned before, it only stopped such a short while ago and, as cliche and oversaid as it is, these things do take time to heal. They really do. As for how to deal with it? Well, there's no set way. Well, not in my opinion anyway. It's a combination of a whole lot of things, I think. As I said, it's a very personal thing - for me, it took a lot of thinking about what happened - allowing myself to remember and not allowing myself to block it out - remembering what happened, and coming to terms with it. Accepting it - it's happened and yes it hurts, and yes you're still scared, but you've still got so much in front of you and you can still press on through all those things you're feeling right now. I know it's shit to have someone say "yeah, just push through it" and I don't mean to sound like it's just that easy. It's not, and it's such a huge personal battle, but you do come through it. I'm not saying that one day you'll just wake up and be at ease and be ok with everything that happened either - you won't - but perhaps through time, through talking, through accepting the most horrible little details of what happened and accepting that they can't be changed - you might find that you don't feel so bad anymore, y'know? You want to just pull yourself together and do things with your boyfriend, but maybe instead of wishing and wishing for it, for the moment, accept that you can't. Right now you can't, for whatever reasons. Getting close with him and being with him this summer might help, though. Spending time with him, being romantic... stuff like that. Don't force yourself though, yeah? These feelings are here for a reason - acknowledging and accepting that right now, you just can't do anything sexual despite how much you'd like to for your boyfriend, might give you that time you need. I don't know. I wish I had all the answers. It sounds like I'm just telling you to wait things out, but as I said, this is such a huge personal struggle. You can seek help from a number of sources, and they can all help, but a lot of it comes down to time and yourself, too. I think it's just important to be aware of your feelings and do what you think is best for you at any given time.
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'Immediately, she drew back. "It still hurts."
Jack nodded. "A little."
"Where?"
He touched his heart, unable to speak.'
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