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Dexus's Joke Thread   |
| Lol Central, Version 2 |
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 Replies: 564 — Last Post Nov. 9 1:52pm by Dexus
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
 Patron
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Repost, but because I still like it. FOR WOMEN ONLY A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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St Jimmy
Executive
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A woman was playing golf. (Ok stop laughing I haven't made a joke yet) Anyway she putted her ball and it went flying off into the forrest. She walked to get the ball and she bent down to reach for it. As soon as she picked up the ball there was a voice "Your ball hit me!!!" it said. "You now have 3 wishes" Hmmm, thought the woman, maybe the frogs brains were adled when the ball hit it... "But whatever you wish for your husband will get it ten times over" added the frog. "Ok, I wish for $100,000,000,000" "Are you sure? Your husband will get ten times that" "Yes I'm sure" For the next wish the woman asked to be the hottest woman in the World "Are you sure? Your husband will be ten times hotter, remember whatever you wish for he will get ten times over" "He loves me and will only have eyes for me, it doesn't matter about beauty" "And your final wish...?" "I wish to suffer from a mild heart attack"
Sorry, I know its your joke forum and everything... "/ Post edited at 11:43 am on July 10, 2008 by St Jimmy
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Shurrup you.
http://saint-jimmy.myminicity.com/ Clicky click click.
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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George's dad One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you." "Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the girl is my half sister." "Hehehe," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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Money Loan Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes, he did. She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday. Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then John left. Bill came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?" She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes... he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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The Girl & The Teacher A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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Dangerous Chores in a Mental Hospital Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna`s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When the Nurse went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you`re being discharged. Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he`s dead." Edna replied, "He didn`t hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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Lol, this is really freaky. I was just thinking about you randomly the other day. :P. 
