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Dexus's Joke Thread   |
| Lol Central, Version 2 |
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 Replies: 564 — Last Post Nov. 9 1:52pm by Dexus
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Web Resources: Teen Pregnancy Facts, Abortion Facts
USA Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
 Patron
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Tricked! A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 O?clock in the morning, A resounding noise came form outside... The woman, sort of bewildered, Jumps up from the bed and yells at the man Shit!, that must be my husband! So the guy quickly got out of bed , scared, and naked. He jumped out the window like a crazy man, Smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, Then he stood up and started to run fast to his car. Just a few minutes later he returns and tells the woman I'm your husband, you slut!!! So the woman answers:- Oh, yeah?!! And why were you running?!! You son of a bitch!
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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What Men Would do if they had a Vagina for a Day! 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. 8. See if they could finally do the splits. 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time. 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video. 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too. 1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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Pregnant An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You shag her again."
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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Mission Accomplished A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, "Honey, Do you remember this?" He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married." She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?" He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember." "Well, what was it?" she asks. He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out." She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?" Again he looks at her and looks her up and down and replies, "Mission Accomplished."
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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Finally Together As a devout Catholic, Maria doesn't use condoms with her husband. So over the years, they have had 17 children. After the husband died, Maria remarried and had another 22 kids with her second husband before he too dies. Eventually, Maria's time also came. At her wake, the priest looked tenderly at Maria lying in her coffin. Then, he looked up into the heavens and said, "At last... they are finally together." A man standing next to the priest looked confused and asked, "Father, what do you mean? Do you mean Maria and her first husband? Or her second husband?" Says the priest: "I mean her legs!"
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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Super Dildo A married couple screw eachother every single night. But the man has to go away on a business trip for two weeks. His wife asks him, "what am I going to do without you?" The man decides to buy his wife a dildo for his leave. At the dildo shop, the clerk brings the man into a back room. He says, "I've got something I know will please your wife. It's called the super dildo. All you have to do is say 'super dildo' and then the name of what you want it to screw, and it will screw it automatically. It won't stop until you say 'super dildo stop,' and only men can control it. For example... Super dildo the wall!" The super dildo immediately sprang into action humping the wall over and over. "Super dildo stop!" said the clerk, and the dildo stopped. The man bought the dildo and brought it home to his wife. After she thanked him, he said "super dildo my wife!" and the super dildo sprang into action screwing his wife. He then left. The woman was enjoying it, but she couldn't get it to stop. She got in her car and was driving to the dildo store all while the thing was screwing her, when she got pulled over by a policeman. He said, "Lady, you're driving like a drunk." She replied, "I'm not drunk, it's just that a super dildo is screwing me and I can't get it to stop!" The policeman replied, "Super didlo, my ass."
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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( Dexus )
Omnipotent One
Patron
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The Bear And The Rabbit There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest. And he got his wish. The rabbit said, I want a motercycle helmet. And he got his wish. The bear went up and said, I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female. And he got his wish. The rabbit said, I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet. And he got his wish. The bear said, I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females. And he got his wish. It was the rabbits turn, and he said, I wish that bear was gay.
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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming
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