an apology -- LiveWire Teen Forums

Quote: from blufindr at 6:49 pm on June 29, 2008

i am sorry i broke my 'contract', i really am. i can't help that. and you are all better off without me.
i'm sorry that we can't do everything we planned together. i'm sorry that things are never going to be the same again.
and i'm sorry i've reverted back to the way i was.

You know that's not true, you tried to, but you never really changed. It's not a matter of suddenly becoming better, these things take time and there is always ups and downs. This contract idea is something I have done before, and it never works, you are trying to be better for everyone else and not for yourself. You might feel really happy, but deep down you are still struggling with the same issues you always had. That's not to say it isn't always helpful, setting yourself goals can be a really good thing, you just need to look at it differently when you fall short. Look at how far you have come and what you have managed to do, you did awesome, don't get discouraged by one short coming. Set up another goal and try to keep to that, and just keep moving progressively forward.

I personally think some of the solution comes with attacking the source, working out ways around the problems and addressing the way you think. But, I'm no psychologist, that was the way that helped me get through my problems, there are various other methods.

i can't cope with this, you know i can't.
i know you want to help me, but helping me is hurting you.
and i can't stand hurting you.
not any of you.

You can cope with this, it's just a matter of persistence and hard work. It's never meant to be easy, but these things can change, you have seen that over the last fortnight to some extent. Also, you are not hurting anyone, as far as I'm aware. If these people love you then seeing you try to get better is making them feel better. Falling short every now and then is just part of the process. One thing you do need to learn is that you can't be completely dependent on those around you though.

i won't be doing anything stupid like suicide.
but please don't be surprised if i am withdrawing from you.
i swear, i only ever meant the best for you.
i swear i never meant to let it come to this.

I hope you start to feel better, but you know you don't have to change the relationships with those around you. Isolating yourself isn't going to do anyone any favours, honestly.

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I'm not stupid, I'm just misunderstood

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