like it just boggles my mind. how can you bring yourself to harm someone you claim to love?

doesn't sound like love to me

and another thing: verbal abuse

same concept. how in the world can you believe you love someone but go and call them bitch, bastard, and random putrid names and yell at them all the time

i just dont understand it

and i dont understand how the people being abused can honestly believe that person who is hurting them really loves them

can anyone explain this to me?

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Meh, I think the abuser is just fucked up and can't help it. They're still capable of loving, they just aren't stable and need serious help.

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This.

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Reev, you're amazing.
Scottyrob is also of amazing status.  *love*

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Meh, I think the abuser is just fucked up and can't help it. They're still capable of loving, they just aren't stable and need serious help.

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Meh, I think the abuser is just fucked up and can't help it. They're still capable of loving, they just aren't stable and need serious help.

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exactly....

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the man who saw the world through rose-colored glasses... mitch hedberg (r.i.p.)

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Well some people are raised differently than you. Theyve experienced different things. They've been abusing people all their life and the people they abuse abuse them back. Some people have anger issues and its just not their fault. Their personality might change in seconds from loving to abusive, although they try hard. And of course, some people think its LOVE while they just dont like them THAT much personality-wise but still think that this is the maximum amount of feelings they can have for anyone.

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Quote: from Tigerhawk at 6:21 am on July 6, 2008

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Well some people are raised differently than you. Theyve experienced different things. They've been abusing people all their life and the people they abuse abuse them back. Some people have anger issues and its just not their fault. Their personality might change in seconds from loving to abusive, although they try hard. And of course, some people think its LOVE while they just dont like them THAT much personality-wise but still think that this is the maximum amount of feelings they can have for anyone.

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i disagree with this. you're entitled to your opinion and all but i personally believe that if a person has an anger issue, they will be able to control it for someone they love.

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Ever hear of Anger Management? It exists for a reason...people with anger issues clearly can't just magically control them because they're in love...if they could do it without needing some sort of help, there'd be no need for such a thing.

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"Under the hardness of her facade a woman's heart is still beating."

they love the person when they are being normal. the abuse might not occur that often.
if it does, they are probably at a point where they are so controlled by this person they cant imagain life without them, dont think that they can cope without them, and are scared of what they might do if they try and escape.
usually in an abusive relationship, the abuser will tell the other they are worthless, hopeless and need them. most people will begin to belive this after a while.
there are certain types of people who will be caught in abusive relationships. these are the quiet, compliant people.
they will start to belive they deserve what they get and they cant live alone.
also in my parents case my mother couldnt afford to seperate from my father.
so there are many reasons... but basically mental illness...

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DANCE theres nothing left for me to do but dance!!!

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Quote: from Tigerhawk at 6:21 am on July 6, 2008

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Well some people are raised differently than you. Theyve experienced different things. They've been abusing people all their life and the people they abuse abuse them back. Some people have anger issues and its just not their fault. Their personality might change in seconds from loving to abusive, although they try hard. And of course, some people think its LOVE while they just dont like them THAT much personality-wise but still think that this is the maximum amount of feelings they can have for anyone.

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i disagree with this. you're entitled to your opinion and all but i personally believe that if a person has an anger issue, they will be able to control it for someone they love.

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Quote: from Majo at 9:18 am on July 6, 2008

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Meh, I think the abuser is just fucked up and can't help it. They're still capable of loving, they just aren't stable and need serious help.

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Yeah, and remember some people have grown up in abusive homes to where a member left, or maybe the home was not abusive but a parent left and as they get older they feel the need to control what they have so it (the person) does not leave.

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the very person i'm referring to in my first post actually said one time "i can't stand when people say 'other people grow up in abusive homes and dont become abusive' because some people react to things differently"  this may be true but it still doesn't justify how someone who claims they love someone will bring themselves to hurt someone else

my dad has an anger issue. a huge one.....like, really bad, no joke. he's never layed a hand on my or my siblings....ya know why? cus he loves us.  if another person with an anger issue loves someone, i think they can do so much as to keep their fists to themselves

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You are right Pumpkin, love involves mutual respect among other things. Love doesn't involve abuse. People who think that abuse is love don't have any idea what love is. It's like all the girls on here who squeal with delight because their boyfriends are jealous, and they think that proves that the boyfriend loves them. Some people are so desperate, trapped emotionally unstable, that any attention will suffice. They would rather be abused, than risk being alone or facing the realities of life. Some loose screw in their brains, says well s/he must love me, they care enough to get angry about what I do. I volunteer in a crisis center, and we see this all the time. The battered woman who tries to justify some guy breaking her nose, with the lame, "oh, he was drinking/stoned/high, whatever. Oh, he wouldn't do that when he's not like that. I made him do it, I shouldn't have said anything. That stuff is so sad. If s/he's abusing you, mentally or physically, they don't love you!

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