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( Watch this )
Wealthy Hobo
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This is bad because then I get stressed and that becomes depression little by little.
I had a time that I felt so good that I can never forget it and it's sad because those times haven't come back and they weren't here to stay.
Anyways, one day I sat down in the bed with headphones on and I said to myself "How about using music for relaxing?" so I did. My favorite music gave me a hypnotic feeling, it was more like a high.
In those days, I had too much stress, so one day I just cried until I "exploded". That left me tired and slow for about five months.
I remember that I went to my friend's house and he gave me a shot of something that was really strong. That was my first time to ever drink something with alcohol in it. Anyway I felt good.
Oh yeah all this started when I was 16 in 2006. So as you can see, I had some really good times.
The music "hypnosis" or "High" worked for less than a year.
Nowadays my favorite songs don't mean anything to me.
Well like I was saying, after I had those good times, school started and I started my Junior year. That year I made more friends than I had ever made, I made a bunch of friends. I was really shy before my Junior year but that year I was very talkative.
Now that I finished my Senior year I don't see anybody. I just get some visits from my neighbor. He wouldn't understand anything that I'm telling you right now.
I'm kinda all alone now, my brother moved out of the house, he lives some apartments away from me but he's married and I can't be there 24/7.
There is one thing though, if my YouTube videos got more views, or if I sang in front of a HUUUUGE crowd, or if I became a famous singer (I can sing)... that would be a much better feeling than the other ones I mentioned earlier put together.
I'm not patient at all, and I gotta admit I like the feeling I get when I have had a couple of drinks. I don't wanna do it more than twice a month.
My family doesn't have enough money to spend on little things and alcohol is a little thing (unless we party, which we almost never do, ONLY ON HOLIDAYS).
Well anyway, alcohol is not the problem.
The problem is that right now I feel really sad, lonely, nostalgic, and inpatient.
Please say anything you want. If you think something is weird or not right please mention it. I don't wanna live the worst life ever. Thanksss
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Xeison
Dairy Product Addict
 Patron
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im sorry that you have started feeling so bad lately and that you have lost the times that felt so good. It sounds like Junior year in school was a good year for you because you made a lot of Friends, but then, senior year, as it inevitably does, made you not see your Friends as much because schoo, which is the common ground is gone. One thing you can try doing is inviting them over or talking to them about hanging out. Your feeling of losing Friends after Senior year is quite common and chances are that your Friends feel the same way as you do about not being able to hang out with Friends as much. Are you going to go to college now or a job now that you are out of school? If you are going to either, it is also likely that you will make some new Friends. College is a really good place to make Friends from what i hear, and in jobs, you tend to become Friends with your coworkers. Your Brother moving out must certainly be tough, but just because he is married doesnt mean you cant see him. You are right though that you cannot be with him all the time. For the times that you cannot be with other people, you have to try and find something that makes you feel better, like writing out how you feel, or drawing, or reading, or anything that works that doesnt hurt yourself or others. Maybe singing can help you and writing songs. As far as your Youtube videos go, i do not know how to get them more views, but if you wish to become a singer, maybe you should look into how people go about doing it. Maybe you and some Friends can form a band of some sort and perform. im glad that you are planning on limiting how much you drink, because drinking is not really all that healthy as i am sure you know. Overall, the problem seems to me that you are sad because you feel lonely and maybe because you feel you havent found what you like to do yet? i think that talking to your Friends might help you be able to get together with them more, and hopefully songwriting and performing can help you feel better to. If you wish to talk, you can always message me. i hope that this helps and that things work out.
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Let us be as water, an irresistable flowing force of no constant shape, able to adapt to anything, bringing life and destroying mountains.
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