I seem to have a severe fear of sexuality and intimacy to a degree, at least when it comes to dealing with myself . I've ran from (not literally) girls that have shown interest in me. I have never really tried hard to start a relationship with anyone, haven't felt strong enough for them. Never felt inclined to really flirt, try to kiss, etc. Kinda baffled by it all really.

I've guess I've always liked girls, liked their company, when I was little I would play with anyone and even now most of my friends are girls. I think a lot of girls are pretty, and have developed I guess crushes on various girls over the years (I'm 18), so I've always considered myself straight, but I've never been really compelled to do anything about it much.

I can't really imagine myself in a relationship much. Really only in my dreams do I ever find such interactions. One dream was actually so nice a feeling, like "being in love" though I'm not sure with, I was quite dissapointed when I woke up. Though in that dream I'm not sure I was "me", perhaps some sort of character I had made up. A far more realistic one would be from another dream, where I was to go on a date with one of my friends, and it was another pleasant one.

So yeah, it's strange and I'm really torn on the whole thing. It's like I often tell myself I just haven't found anyone yet, but I guess doubt that hopefulness. Like, all I want is someone to "save" me so to speak, lame isn't it. Aren't I supposed to be doing the saving? Then there's a part of me that feels like I just don't belong in one, I'm not supposed to, wasn't meant to.

So I don't know what's up, sexual repression? asexuality? What do you guys think, I'm curious for others insight.

Asexuality doesnt exist

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I prove a theorem and the house expands:
the windows jerk free to hover near the ceiling,
the ceiling floats away with a sigh

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as long as youre happy who cares much? Just do what makes you happy!

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Lol, my mother does, she says she's concerned a lot that I don't date, etc. It's a bit aggravating since she worries about me a lot since I spend a lot of my time alone or she doesn't know my friends much. I've had my shares of social anxiety in the past, and I think this is one of the only places where it still lingers I guess, so she just worries. Otherwise, I do what makes me happy and I intend to keep doing what I like to do, I was just questioning my rigid anti-intimacy.

bengali, I have questioned my sexuality before, but I really can't stand other guys much at all.