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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

please what do you think?!?
Replies: 4 — Last Post Sep. 5, 2008 2:06am by Dazigirl
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( lindingair )


Grasshopper 		Reply
Sleepy nights
Suddenly my sleepy nights
Make dreamy days
At times I imagine his lips
Or my lips
Touching his lips
And some nights
I've heard his voice
Calling to my captive soul
Contained
Controlled
In love
I'm sold
To my own
Wild fantasies
That neither will be torn from me
Nor fulfilled
Dreamy day and sleepy night
I am reminded of
That line
Deep red and scrolled across
The monument of my emotions
Erected there to
Keep me
In shackles
Chained
Contained
Controlled
In love
Still sold
And
Bought with fools gold
1:39 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2008 | 2 Days Active
Join to learn more about lindingair United States | 6 Posts | 26 Points
latin muscle


Guru
Patron 		Reply
4

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WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO
WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO
WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO
1:40 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2007 | 258 Days Active
Join to learn more about latin muscle Spain | Straight Male | 16090 Posts | 20123 Points
ragemore


Visionary 		Reply
It's interesting, I think a little rough at parts. Like it felt to me that the last line didn't fit the rhythm of the whole poem. But I'm no expert.

Overall I liked it though.

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I happen to think you're pretty dandy.

1:45 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2006 | 354 Days Active
Join to learn more about ragemore California, United States | GLBT Ally Female | 4647 Posts | 8550 Points
xsolox


Omnipotent One
Patron
Support Leader 		Reply
not my thing

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If you have one foot in yesterday And one foot in tomorrow
Your pissing all over today
1:58 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2007 | 534 Days Active
Join to learn more about xsolox Australia | Label Free Female | 11813 Posts | 18482 Points
Dazigirl


Wealthy Hobo
Patron 		Reply
Well its good but personally Id change a few parts
Still good though!

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×oÖد..,×,/¯ØÖo×:.,Dazi,.:×oÖد..,×,/¯ØÖo×
_____,,,,,,.:;;-..¯..Music Lover..¯..-;;:.,,,,,,_____
Jezigirl owns
^.^
2:06 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined June 2008 | 133 Days Active
Join to learn more about Dazigirl Australia | Label Free Female | 1454 Posts | 4721 Points
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