1) How do men look at women? Women think they know , which amazes me. women will always say, "Hey, we look at guys sexually, too."
You have no idea. Its like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. Trust me ladies, if you had any idea, even for a secound, of how we really looked at you, you would never stop slapping us.-- Larry Miller
2)- Women are always looking for men who dont exist. "I want an outdoorsy guy whos hilarious."
What? If you combine those two things, you would not like it---rodeo clowns. Outdoorsy, hilarious, alcoholic, and wanted.
Then there's the girl, "I just want a guy who will give and give and give, and not want sex in return."
I actually know this guy. His names Grandpa--and he has your nose.-- Dave Attell
3)-- They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.
"Want some more homemade Sprite?"
"Not till you figure out what the f*ck else is in it".--Mitch Hedberg
4)--Goldilocks...I dont like that one, because she breaks into these people's house. She comes into the bear's house, she's eating their porridge, she's like, "Ooo, this is too hot."
B*tch, this ain't even your food.- Tony Woods
5)
Every woman I meet, for some reason, I end up being the friend. Having a woman as just a friend is like having $19 in the bank and looking at your ATM card. You can see it. You know it's there. You just ain't getting to it.- Alonzo Bodden.
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I didn't find any of them funny. 
