There is this girl named Sara, and up until now, I thought she was my girlfriend.  Just for information, this is the first relationship I have ever been in.  We have been dating for three weeks now, and we have spent a lot of time together and I really thought that she was serious about our relationship.  I know I am serious and I thought we had already made things clear with her that we were bf/gf.  

Just a few minutes ago, she called and we got into a conversation about how she is dating four other guys.  Count them: four.  She refers to "going out" and "dating" as two completely different things.  She says that "dating" is where you go on a date with someone but you are not bf/gf yet.  "Going out" to her means that you are bf/gf and you are exclusive.  I thought that the two things were one in the same.

She told me that she's not only thinking about me, but these 4 other guys.  I myself am only thinking about her because I think it is immoral to be "dating" multiple people at the same time.  Just to throw this out there, but we have already kissed and made out multiple times.  I felt that we were getting pretty intimate, but we werent going too fast.

When I asked her if she was doing the same things we were doing with these other guys, she said yes, and I felt disgusted.  I may be wrong here, but it does not seem right to date and kiss/make out with FIVE GUYS in the same time period.  I feel hurt and I feel like I am just a player in this game that she has set up and the winner will become her boyfriend.  I dont know if it is a good idea to continue this relationship because I fear that she may cheat on me, but I dont want to give up just yet because I really liked her, and I still do.

And here is another problem, I have already PAID $200 FOR HER TO GO TO HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS WITH ME.  And NOW she decides to tell me that she is thinking about other people.  I cant refund the ticket because it has her name on it, so she either goes or does not, but I cant get my money back.

She is even wearing my class ring everyday, which I was pretty damn sure meant that we are in a relationship.

Please LW, tell me if I am right or wrong, and tell me what you think I should do in this situation, because I dont want to continue this bullshit because It's becoming way too complicated.

-------
MA!  THE MEATLOAF!!! FUUCKK!!

You know what you want in a relationship and that is to be exclusive and not mess around with other people. So the first question to ask yourself is whether you want that with this girl. Relationships are completely based on trust and you've expressed doubt about whether you can trust her to be faithful to you. I can't blame you for that, but now you have to think about whether you want to try to form a real relationship with her and trust her to not cheat on you. If you don't, you might as well explain your feelings to her about what happened, why you can't trust her, get back your ring and right off the ticket as a lesson learned. You learn a lot from first relationships.

If you do want to try to move forward, it's time to have a serious discussion with her about the future of your relationship since I can tell that you definitely don't want her seeing anyone else. Relationships are built on trust, communication and honesty. You'd have to be honest and open with her about how you felt when you found out what was going on. Then tell her what you decided and what you want for the future and ask how she's feeling. I'm not going to lie to you, she may not want anything more serious right now. Some people are more interested in playing the field and having fun than getting serious. She may not want to stop dating and become exclusive, just be aware of that chance going into it. If she doesn't want to be more and you don't want to continue with this situation, then the same as before. Lesson learned, get your ring back and call it quits.

If she does want to move forward, make sure you talk about what that means to both of you so you don't have anymore surprises like this one. She should know what the relationship is to you and you should know the same from here. Then you won't have to go through this and deal with the pain and drama.

I know, lots of ifs. But nobody can tell you what is best for you. That's dependent upon your feelings and we certainly cannot feel what you're feeling. It's definitely based on how much this information alters your opinion of her and whether you'll be able to trust her. A lot might be gained just from discussing your feelings with her.

No matter what happens, try not to beat yourself up over this. Relationships are about learning about yourself and other people. Even if it ends, you'll definitely learn from the experience. You've learned the importance of talking about your relationship with your partner and the importance of not making long term plans when in a new relationship, ha. Learned the hard way, but learned nonetheless.

Good luck!

-------
kid, I wrote back,
all lovers betray.